Stop Saying No to Yourself

Growing up, one of the most common words we hear was the word NO. Initially, this word protected us from danger and exposed us to reality as our parents knew it, but over the years, it killed dreams and limited us to the world we now know. Sadly, the story did not end there. We have taken over from where our parents and others left off. We keep telling ourselves, no, even concerning what we really want.

One of the biggest ways this manifest is in the fear of failure and rejection. To protect ourselves from failure or rejection, we stay put rather than make an attempt. We tell ourselves we will not succeed anyway, why bother to try? This also plays out in the area of cost. We tell ourselves that we cannot afford it, we cannot put up the money, hence we settle for much less than what we really want.

People often ask me if should I do this or that. Sometimes it is as simple as asking a question, making a request, or even walking up to say hello to someone you really admire. That is the fear of failure talking. I always answer – there is only one way to find out, just do it. You have no clue what will happen unless you try. Sometimes we are even scared to give a compliment! We are scared that it will be well taken or the person will feel patronized.

The fear of failure has held back many men from rewarding relationships. A young man may look down on himself and hold back from speaking to a lady he greatly admires and is nursing some feelings for. The lady may look like a no-nonsense high flyer with a flashy car and a flat in an expensive neighborhood while yours truly has no car and is squatting with friends. In his mind, the lady will give him the washing down of his life if he dares approaches her. Meanwhile, the lady is praying for a God-fearing young man with drive and vision to come into her life. She does not care where he is right now, so far as he knows where he is going, and is working hard towards it. The man is frozen by fear while the lady is hoping and praying.

The word no has never killed anyone. Most of our fears never materialize. It only looms large in our minds. Why tell yourself no instead of stepping out boldly and giving the other person the privilege to tell you no? Most no’s with persistence turn to yes. A good salesman does not allow no to stop him. He knows there is a yes somewhere down the line. He keeps going through the no’s until yes shows up.

When you keep telling yourself no, ask yourself whose side you are on. Are you on your side or against yourself? Why tell yourself no when you can find a way to say yes? Why say no to what you really want? Why keep shooting yourself in the foot?

If you have doubts that you can achieve something, try it anyway. If you are not sure what the answer will be, ask anyway. Some people seem unapproachable but approach them anyway. You have no clue what you can achieve or what the outcome will be until you try. The best way to find out is to try. Just do it.

Believe. Believe you can go further than this. Believe you can afford business class and first class, and work towards it. Believe you can live in your dream home and work towards it. Believe you can drive your dream car and work towards it. Believe you can have your dream job and work towards it. Believe you can make the difference you want to make and work towards it. Believe, and stop telling yourself no. If you cannot believe in your God-given abilities, who will? Whose side are you on anyway? Are you for you or against you?