I get to discuss finances with many people and one thing that stands out is that few accept responsibility for their financial situation. In explaining why they are in their current financial situation, I hear a lot of excuses. I can totally relate because I have been there, and still not immune to blaming others. You heard words like “I had to…”.
Stop right there. That is the problem. Nobody has to, even when you have a gun to your head which is hardly the case. You chose to.
This can be difficult and uncomfortable to admit. “I had to” is more comfortable. It is not your fault. You were left with no choice. There is nothing you could have done differently. You were totally powerless. They made you do it. It is the other person’s fault. Really?
It reminds me of my children. From childhood to their teenage years, they did not do it. There are four human beings in the house and no one knows who did it. When such a situation arises which is pretty often, I conclude it must be Scooby Doo who did it.
Saying “I chose to” turns the spotlight back on you. It means you are responsible for the situation, in this case, your financial situation. You messed up, and you will fix it. It is up to you. It returns power back to where it belongs – you. You chose to do it that way. It has backfired on you. You chose to change your actions to get a different result. You are the man.
Others do not create our financial situation
The fact that we experience financial pressure from others is not in doubt. The amount of money we spend on events and other areas is based on others’ expectations. In African societies like Nigeria, burial is a family affair. The immediate family of the deceased comes together to raise money to fund the funeral. Oftentimes, family members are levied. If you do not put your foot down, you can be made to spend money you do not have.
Saying no makes us uncomfortable. We hate to be seen as confrontational. We want everyone to like us. That is nice if you can afford it. However, you have to learn to say a firm NO nicely if you want to take back control over your time and money. If you don’t, you give over control to others. Others tell you what to do. The locus of control is no longer you. It is others.
Your financial situation depends on your ability to take responsibility for what you really want. You need to man up. If you do not protect your wife from in-laws, they can turn her into a foot mat. If you don’t protect your finances, others will help you manage your money. Who exactly is the boss? Who can make you do what you don’t want to do?
You are always choosing, every minute of the day. You can choose to do what you have been doing or do something different. Others cannot be blamed for your financial situation. We are all adults enough to take responsibility.
Photo: philippines.cogwa.org
